Harlot in the House

So, it wasn't quite Madonna, but it was close, Harlot in the House - whoa! Knitty D and I contemplated sleeping out for good seats, just like those good old days when we slept out for Springsteen tickets - oh, wait, I still sleep out for Springsteen tickets . . . but, to find out if we did, you'll have to wait for our first podcast, more on that later.

The staff at Loop had been fielding calls all week from Harlot groupies - is there parking?? Calls all the way from Alaska! Parking? Philadelphia? Silly! But, everyone managed, because it was standing room only.

While we waited for the Harlot to arrive, I got a chance to meet a Team Philly mate, Purlewe. She didn't quite recognize me from my face, but she did recognize my Sunrise Circle Jacket!! It was funny, later in the evening when Harlot signed my book, and Knitty D snapped my picture, she asked if I was blogging. I said, yes. Who are? Knit and the City. She looked at me quizzically - strange, she said, people aren't just Wendy, they're Batman. Hmmmm . . . and I thought you said during your little chat that we were a step above those Trekkies . . .

And Harlot did arrive, and Craig gushed profusely, also, proud as punch that his baby, Loop, (as opposed to his nephew who was just born last week - Mazel Tov Rosenfeld family!) is one year old. I didn't catch the date, the 22nd maybe - you'll have to call, but Loop is having a birthday party, and the staff is making cupcakes, because it's always good to handle yarn with gooey chocolate fingers.

Anyway, I expected Harlot to do a reading, take a bow and sign some books. But, she didn't actually read, she had pretty much prepared a full-on standup routine. And you know, something snapped in me, I dug my heals in, I didn't want to like her. I got "too cool for school," as my friend Pete would say. When she said we were just one step above Trekkies in geekdom, I cringed, I just could not embrace my inner nerd, or outer nerd as the case truly is. But, the truth is, she really is funny, and charming, and its hard not to give in to her jokes -- telling her husband's fancy model friends that she's a knitter, her imitation of a Knitting Olympic commentator - "She's halfway across that row, nearly to the cable. She's going to try that Left Triple Cross, a move that she's had trouble with in the past. Oh, no, she's dropped a stitch, that's going to cost her! Hope she has a crochet hook in her knitting bag!)" By the way, January One - she loved your Team Philly button.

So, Knitty D and I attempted to begin our career as podcasters. We recorded an interview with Craig, which sounds great, but in the end, I think is unusable. I kind of put poor Craig on the spot, he confessed a deep dark secret that I can't share with even blogland, and I'm not sure if the interview is salvagable. Craig, don't worry! We will protect you, we will rerecord. We recorded a completely charming interview with Grace, about how she gave up casting on for Lent, but the sound on that piece isn't so hot, and I don't think we can salvage it. But, that's the beauty of digital - delete, record, all better!

So, after the stand up routine, she asked if anyone had any questions. No questions, but a lot of gushing, a total gushfest. Well, I had questions, but I couldn't further solidify my geekdom by being the dork in the front row raising her hand. Question - I took your what kind of knitter test are you? She presents four different possible scenarios knitters could be confronted with - and then there are a series of possible lettered responses. Much like a Cosmo - how well do you know your boyfriend quiz, or How high is Your Sex IQ, if you choose mostly A you're this category, if you choose mostly B, you're that category. OK, I chose a different letter for each question - and I have no category - what's up with that???? Now, I must be a geek and a poser. I think the quiz is rigged. For instance, like the SAT, it favors people in different geographic locations. The first question deals with what happens when a waitress compliments your knitting, and says, I always wanted to do that. I chose, ask for lemon in my water, or something like that. A real knitter, wouldn't do that, but a real PHILADELPHIAN would. We don't talk to anyone! This is just inbred in us. Don't talk to us in line at the grocery store, don't talk to us in the park, don't talk to us parked at a stop sign. That's just the way it is. So, I think if I took a less biased quiz, I would be in a real knitting category.

Question - the burn test - where would you suggest performing this test? Take a match to my stash? Craziness. I've met a lot of fire bugs in my day, and a. they're all crazy, and b. they usually burn more than they intend to - oh look, that match I threw into the trashcan is going all the way up the side of that building, huh? I think the burn test really might not be one to try at home.

So, the evening ended for me with getting my book signed. As she was signing my book, "Obsession is normal" (Normal in my business to - but bad, oh so bad!!), in response to her stories about trying to tell her husband's friends that she's a knitter by profession, and she writes books about knitting (she confessed she's thought about trying to lie and say she writes about whales), I told her that she should try telling them that she represented sex offenders and thieves for a living, and see how well that one goes over - uh huh. She then quickly changed the topic, and complimented my Sunrise Circle Jacket - is that the circle thing in Interweave? Yes. And then she frowned, you knit that really fast. Yep, I'm fast. Huh . . . on to the next book.