Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Heartbreak Ahead!

So what would you do if you gave a party, and mind you, it's not a costume party, and everyone showed up in a wedding dress? I guess you would call it the Golden Globes, because that's just what happened last night. And, I guess if you were the hostess, you would give your opening monologue in which you compared your shitty movie's shockingly lucrative opening weekend to Dr. Martin Luther King, and then disappear into bridesmaid's hell for the rest of the night. What was everyone thinking???? Winter white is one thing, but last night was full on bridal. And, when a bride walks down the aisle, I don't want to know if she's wearing underwear, but apparently, Isaac Mizrahi does - and that's from a man who gets his kicks from feeling up the nylon underwear at Target.

I could go on, but instead, I'll introduce you to my lastest bad boyfriend -
Yes, his name is Andrea. He's that guy you see at the end of the bar who's just too good to be true. Handsome, well-dressed. You move closer, and start to eavesdrop. Well-spoken, educated. He orders another drink, and leaves a bill on the bar. Generous, good-tipper. You smile, he starts polite conversation, and you're hooked. It didn't take much.

You go out a few times. He meets your friends, they are impressed, but cautious. They start to point out his faults to you - you wave them off, and they all know, there will be trouble down the line.

And, what warning signs have I ignored with Shaeffer Yarn's Andrea, Anne's cousin, a 100% silk, 1000+ yard skein in a colorway named Indira Gandhi? How about when I put it on the skein winder, I hit a major stumbling block with a knot, and when undoing the knot, the yarn appeared to have been shipped in a skein before it had completely dried from the dying process, and seemed a bit, how shall I put it, sticky? Eh, it all wound into a ball, didn't it? How about that if you pull from the center of the skein, you'll wind up with a knotted mess that takes upwards of 6 hours to unravel? Eh, I'll just use the outside end. How about if the end of your caston tail hooks onto the main skein for even five seconds, you've got a tightass knot that takes a village to get apart? How about that the recommended needle size is OO? No problem. I spent the entire weekend swatching swatching swatching - you can always make it work - especially when it's so handsome and sophisticated.

So, I swatched open lacey things - but you couldn't really see the jewel tones, and the color wasn't working for me (by the way, I thought about photographing my swatches before I ripped them out, but that didn't happen). I swatched in stockinette - the only stockinette I liked was on a 0 (yes, zero) (Lisa has hers on a 2, and it looks fine, but I'm a pretty loose knitter).

So, what does Andrea want to be when it grows up -

This lacy cardigan is from Vogue's Holiday Knitting 2005, a magazine I bought not anticipating ever making anything in it, and the next thing you know, I've got this bad boyfriend who wouldn't normally be my style, I'm spending way too much money ($52 a skein), and wearing dainty clothes I wouldn't normally wear. Andrea wants to change me!

I started out on a an 8, went down as low as a 6, and settled for a 7. Here's a close-up of the Daisy stitch pattern:
And a better look at the color:

It's actually knitting up quite fast - the back, which I'm working on is a 113 stitches, and I've got a couple of inches done after only working on it for an hour or so. (Couldn't knit this during the Golden Globes - that called for some serious drinking).

And what about my good natured stand-by boyfriend - the one that wears t-shirts and jeans, watches football, and gets chicken wing sauce on his chin, that will do whatever I tell it, knit up into whatever I desire - yes, my constant, Noro - well, of course my one skein project turned into two skeins - but at least I stopped the madness there. Look every scarf needs a hat:
Apparently, not only does the hat look better on Pink than me, it also, at least according to one person, looks better on Robin as well. Robin, sorry, I'm keeping the hat. The pattern is from Stitch N Bitch Nation, and you're supposed to cut a piece of plastic and slip it into the envelope-like pocket for the brim. I don't know about you, but I don't have a lot of plastic lying around the house, but I do have a lot of baseball caps dating back to my college days - the Izod hat really didn't need to see another day (especially when I have a pink Phillies cap). So, I cut the brim off the Izod baseball hat, and slipped it into pocket, and voila - a brim!

But, for right now, all Noro projects have been put aside - and I'm going to try to stay faithful to my bad boyfriend Andrea - although who knows how long that will last. I'm not such a great girlfriend.

3 comments:

yahaira said...

holy crap woman,this relationship better be worth it after all that mess.

synaesthetica said...

I WANT PINK!

Lolly said...

Andrea is so hot. Love that lace!