Monday, October 03, 2005

Just Say NO!

The next time my mother asks, "Should I put the chopped liver on the table." I know what the answer should be.

Now for many of you out there, you're saying, yucko, no! But for those of us who were introduced to chopped liver before many solid foods, the answer is not so simple. A delicacy, it's made from pure chicken fat - schmaltz. But, as I told a fat boyfriend of mine who drinks a case of beer every weekend, there's no diet in the world that lets you drink a case of beer, there's no diet in the world that sanctions chopped liver - chicken fat, liver, eggs, and onion -- if you were in a restaurant it would be like saying to the waiter, "Yes, I'll have the heartattack, and oh, can I have that with salt on the side?" So, I said, "I want it, but I shouldn't." "It's really good, it's from Ben & Irv's." "I'm sure it's good, but I shouldn't." "That's not what I asked you -- should I put it on the table?"

Now, I suspect that mom wanted the chopped liver on the table -- because in other circumstances, she has no problem telling me what I want - according to her, I want a new job, a new boyfriend (oh, excuse me, new Jewish boyfriend), to call more often, to spend less money, buy less clothes, drink less beer, oh, and did I mention, to call her more often? And, I assure you, if she walked into the kitchen and caught me with my hand in the cookie jar, she would definitely say, "Are you sure you want that?"

"what else are we having?" "Gefilte fish, chicken soup with kenadlach, kugel, brisket, mushrooms and kasha with bow ties." "I don't need it." "That's not what I asked you, should I put it on the table?"

I crumbled, and now, I'm having a really difficult time breathing, let alone sitting upright. So, I was going to do a funny post about my trip to the Karaoke Bar in AC this past weekend, but that will have to wait. Or, I was going to play, guess the Rabbi's Rosh Hashanna sermon, but no - I have to lie down, I can no longer cut off my windpipe sitting up, my engorged stomach is alrady doing that. And it's time for Prison Break.

And, my New Year's Resolution this year? Well, for now -- it's Just Say No (well, not to the calling more often, I have to be a bit more subtle about that, but . . . I may have a few knitting resolutions along those lines later in the week - when I can think about something other than drawing my next breath - it certainly seems more strenuous at this moment than an involuntary reflex)

Happy New Year everyone!

1 comment:

synaesthica said...

I had a free taste of vegan chopped liver yesterday at Whole Foods. Blech! There are some things that should never be reincarnated in soybeans. Happy Holiday!